Teacher Student Sangha Relationships and Practise, Buddhist Marriage Ceremony
Teacher-student relationship.
Ultimately it is our own mind that is our teacher, but relatively it is usually a person. In addition
circumstances, objects, events, anything at all, can also be our teachers. The human teacher is someone who
has received and practices the teachings themselves from someone qualified to impart them, not just someone who
knows about the subject like an academic, or who has simply read a lot of books, or made it up out of their own
imagination. The teacher is simply a transmitter, like a radio transmitter, who may also have to translate into
a language and culture that is remote from the original one in order to communicate successfully. In this process
there are many kinds of potential distorting factors, and it is important that the teacher be aware of this both
with respect to her or himself, and with respect to others and the culture in which the transmission is occurring.
The teacher is the means by which the living teachings of the Buddha are made available and as such it is
important to show appropriate respect. However it is inappropriate to either be too dependent or too independent
with respect to the teacher. Traditionally the teacher is likened to a fire – get too close and you get burned,
stay too far away and you do not get any warmth or heat. The teacher’s sole concern should be your well-being and
that of the family of which you are both a member. This does not always mean that the teacher will only say what
you want to hear or be ‘nice’ to you – that is not the teacher’s job anymore than it is that of a doctor or a
dentist. The teacher’s job also is the eradication of disease, but this can only be accomplished with the willing
help and support of the person suffering from the disease. It cannot be done for them or to them, and requires
following advice that sometimes one may not altogether like, anymore than a music student may like to be told
they have to practice their scales for forty minutes each day before they play anything else. The teacher should
have respect for the integrity of the individual while wanting the best for them.
Dharma Practice
It is most important that our dharma practice should be integrated into our daily life and not kept in a
separate compartment. Yet our daily life, in itself, is not our dharma practice, and before we can integrate
something there has to be something to integrate. As with any activity, if we wish to accomplish anything we need
to invest time and effort in it, it will not happen by osmosis. If we wish to learn a musical instrument or a
foreign language, if we wish to learn to play a sport, or develop any skill such as using a computer, we need to
put in the time to practice. According to our dedication and commitment, and our making time, so we will find
that we progress and gain some competence and some mastery.
Considering that we have around 16 waking hours each day, how much time do we put into eradicating the
‘diseases’ that have been developing since childhood, and which are the causes of the dissatisfaction
and suffering we encounter in life? Spending just a few minutes each day, unfortunately, is not likely
to produce much benefit, anymore than a few casually strewn matchsticks will constitute a defence
against flooding. In developing the correct view, and gaining experience and mastery, it is better if
there is some consistency and continuity to produce something that one can then set about integrating
into daily life. It is important, therefore, to have a regular schedule, if at all possible, that is
kept to, except in emergencies. Practice should not be a chore or become just a joyless routine. It is
important to feel good about practicing and to do it happily. It is also important to review how one is
doing, looking at the actual dharma practice you are doing, at the nature of your motivation, at the
benefits you are receiving – is your mind becoming more peaceful, are the poisons of desirous attachment,
hatred-aversion, pride, jealousy, and confusion becoming less – and to discuss this with your teacher if
necessary. Sometimes changes can come rapidly, but more often than not it is the result of slow accumulation
over a period of time. Sometimes it can appear imperceptible unless looked at in a larger frame than the last
few weeks, or even months. If something is not working it is important to consult the teacher to see if one is
going about it in the right way or if one is doing the right practice. It is also important to practice patiently
as well as joyfully.
The extent and degree of commitment to practice is entirely a personal matter, one can do as much or as
little as one wants. It is possible to discuss what one is doing, or might like to do, with a teacher.
Unless one undertakes individual commitments there is nothing binding in any advice or guidance given,
the individual is free to choose.
Social activity.
Service to others is an important part of dharma practice, as is being socially responsible. It is good to give
to charities or engage in charitable work, as well as to protect the environment, to live a ‘green’ life making
decisions and engaging in actions that protect our natural and social environments. Where there is exploitation,
oppression, injustice we should do what we can to stop it and avoid supporting it in any way or engaging in it,
even inadvertently. We should do this with respect to race, religion, gender, disability, species, age or any
other discriminating feature or ideology.
It is also important to actively support our dharma centre and spiritual community by regularly participating in
activities there, by taking responsibility for a role or a function and in carrying it out conscientiously; in
general to support it practically and financially so that it is strong and healthy and able to provide greater
benefit to more people now and in the future. Social events and activities are also part of the community life.
As part of our social role, members of a Dharma Centre, give talks to schools and arrange for schools to visit,
as well as visit other organizations to give talks and take part in inter-faith meetings. We are looking for
additional ways to broaden our participation in society to fulfill the Mahayana aspiration of being of benefit
to all beings.
Sangha
The foundation is part of the non-monastic tradition of Buddhism and members of it constitute its community or
‘Sangha’ (the white Sangha). Members of the Sangha don’t subscribe to a creed or hold a doctrine or dogma. They
try and follow a way of life and set of spiritual and social values that is conducive to living a rich and
meaningful life based on the teaching and practices originating with Buddha Shakyamuni and inspired by
Padmasambhava. The teachings and practice are to be tested in one’s own life, just as they have been by others
for over 2500 years. They are skillful means, or methods, that are conducive to the overcoming of dissatisfaction
and disease and have no other inherent value in themselves. They involve living compassionately and cultivating
wisdom, and following a middle path between extremes. Members of the Sangha help and support each other in their
practice and in other ways.
Organization
Khandro Ling is part of the Diamond Heart Foundation which is a charity registered with the Charity Commission
(No 1101397) founded on a constitution which is safeguarded and promoted by a group of trustees who are members
of the centre and guided by a spiritual director. Trustees serve a limited term, and those who are actively
involved in the centre and its values are invited to consider becoming a trustee.
Friends of Khandro Ling
In addition, our centre Khandro Ling, is organized and run by a centre manager assisted by a small committee.
The cleaning and maintenance of the building and other activities associated with the management of the centre,
as well as the organization of social and other activities, are carried out by this group. You are invited to
become a Friend and offer your practical support to the development of a place and the means of allowing positive
values of compassion, wisdom, and well-being to flourish and where the Buddhism of Tibet, especially that of the
Nyingma tradition can be studied and practiced.
Buddhist Marriage Ceremony
For those who might wish to have a Buddhist Marriage Ceremony we have one available and are licensed to carry
our marriage services, in the presence of a registrar, at our centre Khandro Ling.